Uber's Stock Drop: Are Insiders Bailing Before the Robot Apocalypse?
Alright, so $UBER stock is down 8% today. Big whoop. The market's a rollercoaster, always has been. But what's got my spidey-sense tingling is the reason why. Or, more accurately, the possible reasons why, because let's be real, nobody on Wall Street tells you the truth.
The Insider Exodus
Here's the dirt: Insiders have been dumping shares like they're radioactive. Sixteen sales in the last six months versus a single purchase? That ain't a vote of confidence, folks. Khosrowshahi, West, Hazelbaker... they're all cashing out. Is it because they see something we don't? Are they finally realizing the "growth" narrative is a house of cards built on the backs of exploited drivers and unsustainable subsidies?
Or is it the robots?
'Cause let's be honest, the autonomous vehicle thing is the elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge. Uber’s whole business model is predicated on having drivers. What happens when those drivers are replaced by emotionless, accident-prone robots? Are they just gonna become a fleet management company, cleaning and charging Teslas? That's like McDonald's becoming a ketchup distributor—a massive downgrade.
Morningstar says AVs are an "open capital expenditure question." Translation: they have no freakin' clue who's gonna foot the bill for these things. Uber "believes private equity will step up." Oh, they believe it? That's their business plan? Hope and fairy dust? Give me a break.
And analysts? Twenty "buy" ratings? Are these people even paying attention? It's like they're all reading from the same corporate script. "Strong core user base!" "Virtuous cycle!" Barf.
Congress Gets in on the Action
Oh, and let's not forget about our esteemed members of Congress. Six trades in the last six months, five of which were purchases. So, while the C-suite is running for the exits, Congress is buying in? What's that tell ya? Insider trading? Nah, couldn't be. These are paragons of virtue, right?
Speaking of virtue, remember Gilbert Ray Cisneros, Jr.? That guy bought between $1,001 and $15,000 worth of $UBER back in October. Good for him. I wonder if he got a discount. Or if he knows something we don't. It's all so damn transparent, ain't it? According to Rep. Gilbert Ray Cisneros, Jr. Buys Uber Technologies, Inc. (NYSE:UBER) Stock, the purchase occurred in October of last year. It's all so damn transparent, ain't it?
Where was I? Oh yeah, Uber.
Don't even get me started on the analysts' price targets. A median target of $110? These guys are smoking something strong. I wouldn't pay $50 for this stock, not with the Sword of Damocles hanging over their heads in the form of self-driving cars.
Then again, maybe I'm just being cynical. Maybe Uber will pull a rabbit out of its hat. Maybe they'll invent teleportation or something. But I doubt it.
I'm reminded of the time I tried to get an Uber to LaGuardia at 5 AM. Surge pricing was through the roof, and every driver canceled on me. I ended up missing my flight and paying $800 for a new ticket. So, yeah, maybe I'm a little biased.
